Everybody loves corny dad jokes! Maybe my opinion is skewed because I’m a dad. The whole point of dad jokes is that they’re bad. I mean really bad. But, we can’t help smiling inwardly. It wouldn’t do to have somebody see that this banal humour appeals to us.

Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

Anon

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

Anon

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Anon

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Anon

Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Anon

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Anon

The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell “Donald, duck!”

Anon

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

Anon

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Anon

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know

Anon

You must be fed up with these corny one-liners. But, I’m a carnaptious old bugger, so I will soldier on. If I can take it, so can you.


What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language .

Anon

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Anon

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one armed mothers do it?” Without missing a beat I replied, “Single handedly.”

Anon

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

Anon

“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”

Anon

“How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”

Anon

“Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”

Anon

“I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.”

Anon

“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”

Anon

“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”

Anon

How is the stamina holding out? It can be very draining, absorbing all of these laughs at a single sitting. Perhaps you should take a break before you attempt any more.

“What did Mississippi tell Delaware?” “I don’t know, but Alaska!

Anon

“Doctor, I keep seeing an insect buzzing around me.”
“Don’t worry; that’s just a bug that’s going around.”

Anon

“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”

Anon

“I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!”

Anon

“I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”

Anon

“Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”

Anon

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

Anon

“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”

Anon

“What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”

Anon

“It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.”

Anon

“When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”

Anon
References

Funniest Dad Gags
So bad, they’re good
Every day is father’s day

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